I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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