I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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