They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
