Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize