Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize