I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
