it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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