I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
