you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
