So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
