So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
