In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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