you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
