oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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