whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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