butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My dick has a subreddit
I'm too high and old for this...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
