the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize