I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
