i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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