I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
As shirtless as possible
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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