Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
