She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
