the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
