my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
