Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
