Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
