I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
how does that bad decision feel?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
