The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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