you will always have a special place in my vag
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
