Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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