Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize