the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I understand Curling. That high.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
