I want to have your abortion
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
