he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
