Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize