so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
