Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
