You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
