I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize