Pappa wants mamma naked
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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