So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ketchup is God's man juice
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
