I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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