i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I checked into jail on foursquare
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
