I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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