You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
