happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
