a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Randomize