I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
