Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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