I just pynch a tree in the face
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize