I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
