imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize