Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
