susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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