If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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