we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
