i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
