I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
