youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dicks are not precious.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
