I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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