Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
