one two three fourrrrnication!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Randomize