Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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