I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
