Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
