1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
