1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
